The bus was crowded when a fat lady entered, "wasn't some gentleman going to offer me a seat". Very small man got up and said shyly, "I'm willing to make a small contribution."
CUSTOMER: Waiter, I've got only one piece of meat.
WAITER : Just a moment sir, i will cut it into two.
DENTIST :Please stop howling. I haven't touched your tooth yet.
PATIENT : I know, but you are standing on my foot.
DINER : I'll have what the man at the next table is having.
WAITER : Okay, but i don't think he'll be too happy about it.